what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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