matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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