The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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