only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
