I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
