some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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