Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
