These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
