Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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