Someone shit on the floor
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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