Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
