Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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