My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
