I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
