i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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