I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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