I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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