I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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