I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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