I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
this boner is exhausting
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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