Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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