Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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