Are we in a gay sports bar?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had sex on a dog bed..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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