the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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