OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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