I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize