ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
