There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize