Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That's how pantless uber rides happen
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
