So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
