Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
