First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
