Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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