So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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