I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
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Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize