dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
