She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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