sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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