So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
