I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
