i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
bring money and cleavage
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
