I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
