Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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