the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
