I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
