I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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