It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
