Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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