I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
