Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
