So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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