What a fucking waste of an outfit
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
