I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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