sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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