Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
