I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
