We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
