Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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