ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
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I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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