U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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