She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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