I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
