my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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