Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
