Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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