Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
