She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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